"Wish I Could Break Your Heart"

One of my absolute favorite things in the world is driving with the windows rolled down and the music cranked way up. Singing along at the top of your lungs to your self-proclaimed anthem while the wind whips through your hair and the sun kisses your face is just short of pure magic.

I was driving home from work like this the other day when Cassadee Pope’s song “Wish I could break your heart” came on.  I’d heard the song a few times before and recognized it as just the type of song you can jam down the road to. I was singing along enjoying life when all of a sudden the full implication of the lyrics hit me.

“Well the truth is that I never ever wanna hurt you baby

But it'd be nice to know that I could

Be strong enough to pull you under, throw you back a little under thunder

Even though I never would

I wish I could break, I wish I could break your heart”

Um… I’m sorry. What?

Even as I turned the music down and flipped to another station, I could feel the knot in my stomach twisting tighter and tighter. Is this really what people expect from relationships these days? Competing to see who can do the most damage before dragging our wounded and broken hearts with us into the next battle? ...and the next …and the next …and the next?

As a young woman with my own share of heartbreak I can see where Cassadee’s coming from.  As people, both men and women, the last thing we want to be seen as is weak. In our “me” centered culture, our heroes are those who appear to need no one or no thing, those who fly through life on their own talent or merit and frankly don’t give a d***. Think Iron Man, Rhett Butler, Sherlock Holmes. We LOVE those characters because they seem so solidly in control of their lives.  Everything is about what will bring me happiness, who makes me fill loved, what brings me fulfillment.

We are so afraid of appearing weak, to having to admit that we can’t control everything in our own lives and that we do in fact need each other, that we’ve agreed to trade genuine love for a set of manipulative mind games. Instead of cherishing one another, taking care of one another, and seeing the intrinsic value in another person, we view our friends and families as tools to be used to ensure our own happiness. 

“Well the truth is that I never ever wanna hurt you baby, but it'd be nice to know that I could.”

Back to riding in the car... 

I was in the car with my brother the other day and we started talking about all the great friendships we’d been blessed with. “It makes a whole lot of difference being friends with people who understand grace,” he said. It’s so true! Grace makes all the difference in the world. When we understand and live in and under grace, there’s no need to assert your power over others. Grace is both freedom from and freedom to. Through grace we’re freed from the unrealistic expectations the world puts on love. Truth is, despite what all the Hollywood endings have to say, even the most loving of people will eventually fall short in providing us the love we desperately need.  Grace allows us to admit that the only one who is perfect is Christ and takes the pressure off our friends, family, and significant others to fill our empty hearts, a task impossible for anyone but Christ to accomplish.

Because of that, grace also offers the freedom to truly love one another. Grace covers us and makes us whole. Grace is what allows us to forgive one another when we mess up and hurt each other. Grace is what allows us to become vulnerable and engage in genuine relationship. Grace gives us the courage to admit that we need other people and to respond to others’ need for us in their lives.

I don't know about you, but I'd much rather live in that world that plays by those rules than the ones in Cassadee's song.

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." ~ Galatians 5:13-15