The "Grown Up" Life

I have officially been living on my own for a month now—SAY WHAT!?

I know. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true!

My parents and time in college did a great job preparing me for adulthood, but even so I’ve learned a lot over the past four weeks.  My biggest fear about living on my own was that my diet would consist entirely of pasta and ice cream. (As of now there is only ONE tub of ice cream in my freezer and I’ve only cooked pasta twice. BE SO PROUD OF ME!)

All jokes aside, living on my own for the first time has taken some getting used to. I knew it would be weird. I knew it would be fun. I knew it would be NOT fun, but KNOWING and experiencing are two very different things.

I knew it would be really nice to have my own space.

As much as I loved living in a dorm—excuse me, residence hall—I was looking forward to not having to share a bathroom with 26 other people. 

When I was first moving into my apartment I was freaking out a little wondering how I was going to fit everything (clothes, towels, craft supplies…) into my bedroom closet. That’s when it hit me, I have THREE closets, and a pantry to boot! Guys, I have a CRAFT closet!

I’ve also been able to fulfill my lifelong dream of hosting dinner parties! I was so excited that my friends were finally coming over to MY place for dinner that I spent a whole afternoon making napkins to match my green dishes and red chairs (no Christmas today, thanks).  

{True to form, anything that can be floral patterned WILL be floral patterned}

It may be old fashioned, but in the same way I still think it’s important to send hand written letters, I firmly believe people should eat together in one another’s homes. Getting together at a restaurant it just fine, but there’s something special that happens when you gather around the table in someone’s home to share a meal together. Allowing people into the place you live requires a vulnerability that translates into allowing them into your life as well. 

"I really believe that every person should be able to feed themselves and the people they love. I think preparing good and feeding people brings nourishment not only to our bodies but to our spirits. Feeding people is a way of loving them, in the same way feeding ourselves is a way of honoring our own createdness and fragility." ~ Shanna Niequest, Bittersweet 

However, I also knew it would be really hard to have my own space.

There’s a price for having space totally to yourself and no, it’s not included in the rent.

I've made the ‘starting over new’ transition over the past few years several times now, and yet it stills surprises me how long it takes to settle in. I think the process might be even harder now that I have an idea of what to expect. Relationships take time to build, and no matter how much you try, you just can’t rush that. It takes time to figure out your role. What part do I have to play in this new job? In my new church? With new friends? With old friends? You can’t rush the process. All you can do is be patient and figure it out as you go.

When I first went to college I remember there being this weird time when I just felt hug deprived. It happens right when the excitement of meeting everyone wears off. When you've begun to establish relationships with people, but aren't quite on that level yet. I’m starting to feel the same way now.

There are days when I come home from work and don’t want to cook. There are days when I stare at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and thing “How could I have possibly thought this would be a good idea!?”  There are moments when I feel very much alone and disconnected from everyone. When the loneliness feels physically heavy and doubts attack with a vengeance.

Novelty has a way of slipping into the routine, and yet over all, I’m ridiculous happy because you see,

I also knew that I would grow in this season.

I read a quote once that change, although it may be painful, is a sign that you’re alive; that in the same way a plant must change its shape in order to grow, we need to change.  Without change, without growth, we too die.

That’s how I feel right now. I can feel myself being stretched and challenged and while it can be painful at times, it’s all wildly and incredibly good.