Urbana 12

           If you’re friends with me on facebook, you’re probably aware that I was in St. Louis over Christmas break

{Quality Brother/Sister Bonding Time}

{When I first met these girls, I was 11. For the past nine years I have been blessed by their friendship, love, and encouragement} 

{Don't let the smiles deceive you. Snow is cold and miserable} 

{The Group}

                 I think it’s pretty clear from the pictures that my friends and I had a blast exploring the city, but what might be lost in all those snap shots of our shenanigans is the very reason why we were in St. Louis in the first place. Since 1946, Intervarsity Christian Fellowship has hosted a global missions conference for college aged students known as Urbana. (In case you didn’t know the conference received its name from where it was originally held on the campus of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.)

                As the queen of all church kids I thought I knew what to expect from a fancy conference like this. I knew there’d probably be some cool speakers, a little rockin’ and emotionally charged worship, and lots of warm fuzzy feelings to keep me warm on the plane ride home. What I did not expect was how genuinely I would be challenged and just how much I would learn about God’s character, the way He’s working in the world, and myself.

                Now I’ve been on short term missions trips before and when I’m packing for those types of trips I’m also mentally preparing to be taken out of my comfort zone. Being uncomfortable is to be expected when you know you’re going to a Costa Rican jungle for ten days, but St. Louis is a nice modern city, I should feel right at home there right? WRONG. I was surprised just how uncomfortable St. Louis made me. I’m not used to trotting around cities and it was cold. (I REALLY don’t like being cold…) Even simple things like going to dinner proved to be character building experiences, but that’s a story for another day.

                And yet these trivial discomforts were nothing compared to spiritual and emotional discomfort that were in store for me. Throughout the week we were blessed to hear the testimonies of people who said "Yes" to God’s call and followed Him into dark, dangerous, and uncomfortable places. As I listened to their stories, I began to hear God whisper “Would you go?” I tried ignoring that whisper, but as these things have the tendency to do, the whisper soon turned into a shout. It seemed everywhere I turned I was being forced to answer the question.  “Alena, would you go?”  The question terrified me.  Part of me was attracted to the idea of living with such reckless abandon, but the idea of leaving all my family and friends to risk my personal safety and comfort was just too scary.

                As the week continued, God continued to move and work in my heart.  I found it horribly ironic that as the weather in St. Louis got colder and colder, my numbed heart began to thaw. One skit in particular really grabbed by heart. I found out later that it was entitled The Deep, and it depicts the story of when Jesus tells Simon Peter to go fishing in the deep water even though he and his buddies had been fishing unsuccessfully all night. Peter obeys and ends up with the largest catch of his life. In fact there were so many fish that the nets began to break and their boats began to sink.



               

                Back on shore, Peter falls at Jesus' feet and says "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" —I always thought this a weird response for someone to make after they just made the biggest career move of their life, but during the Bible study of this passage, my brother pointed something important out. The disciples’ boats were sinking. Their livelihood was about to be laid to rest at the bottom of the Lake and they were going down too. They could have died. This was the catch of a lifetime, but the whole experience was nothing short of terrifying. This Jesus guy messed with the normal way of doing things. Fishing during the day? In the deep water? People don't DO that! But Jesus came to turn the world upside down and inside out. He tells Peter, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.”

               As I read those words, and watched this skit, I heard God saying, “Trust me. I got this. Of course it’s going to be scary, but it’s also going to be the adventure of a lifetime.  Alena, don’t miss out. Will you go? ”  And I said “Yes.” 

                And God said, “Good. Now that your heart’s in the right place, go back to school.”

                WHAT!?

                Lord, I just agreed to go WHEREEVER you want to send me and you’re sending me back to Sherman? Really? What the heck?!

                In the moment I was super disappointed. (Definitely one of those “Awh man” moments) But then I realized that the question I’d be struggling with all along wasn’t so much, “Will you go?” but “Will you follow Me?”  As Christians we are called to be faithful followers wherever God leads us, whether that be rural Uganda, a corporate office, or a classroom in Sherman, TX.

                For me, Urbana 12 wasn’t a call to "go", but an affirmation that I was exactly where God wanted me to be.